What exactly is respect?
“a feeling of deep admiration for
someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or
achievements” - Oxford dictionary
My thought on this convention is quite
different from how most of the world perceive it to be (note : My
article would be closer to the Eastern thought on this norm,
since I'm more familiar with it). In most cases, from what I see,
respect, more or less is calling someone by a title / not using first
name, using certain gestures which show “respect”, using a
particular tone, etcetera.
Coming to the first name, in South
Asia, it is considered disrespectful if someone is called by name,
especially an elder. You have to call the elder by a particular title
even if you don't actually respect that person. From what I
understand from the works of fiction written by some of the European
authors, they also aren't all that pleased in being called by their
first name and would rather prefer being called “Mr. last name”
or even by just the last name.
What I fail to understand is, does
respect come just out of this? I feel this is more of an unnecessary
procedure than actually showing respect. What is the achievement of
someone who is just elder to you that you have are bound to show
respect? It is just that the person was born before you. In that
case, what is the use of a first name if it is not going to be used
after you reach a particular age / position? Even if you don't use
the first name, what is the point of saying, “You know, I hate
Mr. Fletcher.”? Besides, won't the person who is supposed to show
“respect” feel much more comfortable when they are entitled to
talk with an elder casually and by using first name?
Coming to the next part of this
article, gestures showing respect. From what I can gather with my
limited knowledge, in Japan they bow, in India they touch their feet
and in the West, they shake hands(which by itself has an extremely
stupid rule – with particular reference to the left hand),
etcetera. What is the use of showing such gestures? Do people do this
to show respect or fulfil a custom? In most cases, I believe it is
the latter and in my opinion, it is nothing but just waste of
energy.
Then, there are certain tones to
maintain while talking to a person whom you're supposed to “respect”.
You aren't supposed to be too loud, or not speak in a tone which
suggests that you're trying to be aggressive, etcetera.
Personally, I feel none of these
conventions show respect and they remain a custom and I believe most
people do these only because they're fear driven and if they are
given a choice, most of them would not be willing to follow this
procedure. I believe, the real way of showing respect and admiration
to a certain person is to be casual with them, indulge in informal
talks, share information, etcetera. Even as per the definition in the
dictionary, one need not respect the person whom you fear and if you
really admire a person's qualities or achievements, then the person
must be more like a friend from whom you would benefit.
It is a ubiquitous fact that respect is
something that can't be seen and I feel there is no point in trying
to make it visible by following these customs and instead, if you
admire a person from the bottom of your heart, it is more than
enough. Things are changing fast, and I'm sure that people thought on
these conventions would also soon be fast changing.
Have a nice day,
Andrew Anderson
